


The Macaroni Scandal

by incredibly_cold, montynavarrno



Series: The Hamfam goes to college [9]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: College AU, I don't even know just roll with it, Lots of Innuendo, Modern AU, Multi, Things get awkward, but nothing explicit, jefferson supposedly has a macaroni kink, sin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 08:45:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6463564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incredibly_cold/pseuds/incredibly_cold, https://archiveofourown.org/users/montynavarrno/pseuds/montynavarrno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started out as kind of a joke. Not even that, more of a verbal slam. It didn't take long for it to become so much more than that. For the first time, he actually agreed with the people who told him to keep his mouth shut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Macaroni Scandal

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was written by my friend who has been coming up with ideas/writing for this au with me. She doesn't have an Ao3 account, but you can follow her at comicbookward.tumblr.com (but really you should follow her, she's great)

It was a normal day at King’s College. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping. Alexander Hamilton was screaming about Thomas Jefferson.

“He. Is. The. Worst.” Alexander said, grinding his teeth.

“We know.” sighed John Laurens, Alexander’s boyfriend and person in charge of keeping Alexander from getting into too many fights. “You’ve only said that thirty times in the past twenty minutes.”

“Well he is. He’s stupid. And dumb.” Alexander said.

“We know, Alexander. We know.” Lafayette was nodding in agreement with Alexander. While the Frenchman got along with Jefferson much better than Alexander, it would be a stretch to say that Lafayette was friends with Jefferson.

Hercules Mulligan, who had been sitting quietly listening to Alexander’s rant, finally spoke up. “Okay man, that’s enough. One more insult, and then the subject has to change. Preferably it’d change to Mr. Washington’s government paper, which is why we’re gathered here in the first place.”

Alexander waved his hand in a mixture of defiance and resignation. “We’re already going to ace this paper. Mr. Washington already looked at our plans and said they were the best he’s ever seen. And that includes Madison’s. And that classist macaroni fucker Jefferson. We have better plans than them. They can eat my entire ass.”

“They better not. That’s my job.” Laurens said, grinning and elbowing his boyfriend.

Mulligan laughed. But Lafayette was staring at Hamilton like he was crazy.

“Does… Does Jefferson actually fuck macaroni?” Lafayette asked, looking disgusted.

Hamilton nodded. “He talks about macaroni and cheese all the time. He describes it as though eating it is a sexual experience. He’s got to have a macaroni kink.”

The group of friends laughed, although Lafayette was still disgusted with Jefferson. Of all the kinks, Lafayette never would have expected Jefferson to have a cheesy pasta kink.

* * *

The next few days, anytime Lafayette passed Jefferson in the halls, he would look at Jefferson disgustedly. Jefferson didn’t understand.

This continued on for a week. On the eighth day, Lafayette finally spoke to Jefferson.

“You are the most- I don’t even have words. Not in English or French. How dare you. That’s not safe. You could get an infection.” And with that, he left, clearly thinking he had kinkshamed Jefferson into oblivion. But in reality he had only managed to make Jefferson (and everyone who had heard Lafayette) more confused.

That evening, Jefferson went home to talk to his roommate and boyfriend about the weird things that were going on with Alexander Hamilton and his friends.

“And he said I could get an infection! I don’t even know what he’s referring to!” Jefferson was working himself into a frenzy.

“Thomas, calm down. It could be that he’s heard a rumor-”

“A RUMOR THAT HAMILTON STARTED!”

“We don’t know that. We don’t even know what he’s talking about. I’ll talk to him tomorrow and see if I can make sense of it. Hopefully this will all be cleared up soon.”

“James, you are a wonderful person. Say hello to the Frenchman for me. I can’t have a French person hating me. I’d never be able to go to France then.”

“Thomas, you’re very smart, but occasionally you’re the dumbest person to ever walk this earth.”

“Whaaaaaat?”

“Never mind.”

* * *

The next day Madison went up to Lafayette, who was sitting on a bench eating dinosaur chicken nuggets. “Hey, Lafayette.” he said, sitting down next to him.

“Hello Madison. How are you?” Lafayette said cheerily to him. A bit too cheerily.

“Let’s drop the niceties. What is Thomas doing that is so terrible and awful that you don’t have words?” Madison asked, bracing himself for the answer.

“You mean you don’t know?” Lafayette was looking at him, eyes wide with disbelief. When Madison shook his head, he continued. “Your boyfriend Jefferson has a-” and here he stopped and looked around, before leaning in and whispering, “a macaroni kink.”

Madison looked at Lafayette for a second, and then burst out laughing. “You really think that? Thomas doesn’t have a macaroni kink.”

Lafayette looked at him seriously. “But are you sure? Think about it. He has macaroni all the time. He talks about it all the time. His descriptions are that of two lovers making love. That’s suspicious.”

Madison stopped laughing. His boyfriend did talk about macaroni all the time. In fact, he often asked if Madison wanted macaroni, if he loved macaroni as much as Thomas did.

Madison was halfway convinced that Thomas Jefferson had a secret macaroni kink. But he couldn’t let Lafayette know that. He’d report right back to Hamilton. So he protected his boyfriend’s reputation. “That’s ridiculous, Lafayette. Thomas Jefferson doesn’t have a macaroni kink.”

Lafayette still didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t carry on. He merely shrugged, dumped his chicken nugget trash in the trash can, and left. It was then that Madison started formulating a plan to get Thomas to admit his macaroni kink.

* * *

Two days after Lafayette had brought Jefferson’s kink to Madison’s attention, Jefferson had to leave for a debate tournament for the whole day. He wouldn’t be back until around seven o'clock that night.

As soon as Jefferson left, Madison put his plan into action.

He spent a good portion of the day preparing to make macaroni. He spent most of the rest of it actually making the macaroni. As soon as the macaroni was done, he put bowls of the macaroni placed perfectly around the room. Somehow he managed to make it look sensual and inviting, despite the fact that it was just paper bowls of macaroni and cheese. As the pièce de résistance, he stripped down to nothing and covered himself tastefully with the sheet on his (and technically Jefferson’s) bed.

He timed it perfectly. Not two minutes after he had finished, he heard Jefferson at the door. Jefferson walked in. He started to say something, and then stopped, dropped his things, and looked around.

The first thing he said was “Whaaaaat?”

The second thing he said was “Why are there so many bowls of macaroni?”

The third things he said was “And why are you naked in the middle of them?”

Madison was starting to get the impression that this was maybe not the best idea. “Well I- I just wanted- Lafayette said you had a macaroni kink and he convinced and I just wanted to do something nice for you!”

Madison was embarrassed beyond belief, but Jefferson was laughing. “A macaroni kink? What will that man think of next?” He noticed then that Madison was embarrassed and crossed to him. “James, my love, I do not have a macaroni kink. But I would love to eat macaroni while naked with you. I can think of no better way to spend my Friday evening.”

Madison smiled at his boyfriend then. He may be abrasive and annoying at times, but he did care and was nice. He motioned for Jefferson to come and sit by him and eat macaroni. They are in solve for a while, and then Jefferson spoke.

“James, we know who is at fault for this, do we not?”

Madison nodded. There was only one person. “Hamilton.” he said, thinking of the brash immigrant.

Jefferson smiled. “How about we get back at him for this?”

Madison grinned. Jefferson’s smile indicated that his boyfriend had something devious planned.

* * *

It was Sunday night. Alexander and John were trying to enjoy the latest episode of The Walking Dead. However, their neighbors were clearly enjoying something else.

“Will Jefferson ever learn to keep his voice down?” sighed Laurens angrily.

Alexander patted his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I’ll go over on the next commercial break and tell them to be quiet.”

Soon the next commercial break came, and Alexander went over and knocked on Madison and Jefferson’s door, intending to give them a piece of his mind.

Madison answered. He was wrapped in a sheet. Alexander took a breath and started to speak, but stopped short. Right above Madison’s ear was a piece of macaroni.

Hamilton backed away slowly without saying anything. He walked back to his room and shut the door.

Madison shut his own door, then turned to Jefferson, who was fully clothed and giggling. Madison dropped the sheet, revealing his normal day clothes, and giggled too.

“Did you see his face?” he chortled.

“Yes, it’s amazing how much one well placed piece of macaroni can do.” Jefferson laughed, shaking his head. “I think we’ve heard the last of my macaroni kink.”

“Yes, I think we have.” said Madison, and he plucked the piece of macaroni out of his hair, throwing it in the trash can.

* * *

Alexander Hamilton never spoke of what he had learned to anyone. Not John or any of his other friends. It was his darkest secret.

No one could ever know that he had discovered the “truth” about Thomas Jefferson’s macaroni kink.


End file.
